i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
