Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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