Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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