Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
