yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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