she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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