So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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