girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
