My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
