If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
