he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
