the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
