Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
