Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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