Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
