is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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