She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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