Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
