I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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