I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
