I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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