I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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