No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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