Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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