Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
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