I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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