the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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