i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
