so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
