i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
