so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
