You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
