dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
