Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
