My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
