I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
