Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize
