youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
