Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize