party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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