He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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