I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Just puked most of my soul out..
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
