im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Drake has all the answers
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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