I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Can I color on your dick again?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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