If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
