fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
