I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
