so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
