WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
