i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
