i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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