How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize