Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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