Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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