those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
