I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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