I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
