I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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