Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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