I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
